many months ago
It's one of those days. One of those drag-yourself-out-of-the-delicious-covers mornings, one of those never ending hunger lunches, one of those evenings ending in tears. Soft music and dim light (preferably candle light) and devotions long abandoned are the only remedy, going along with the staying-up-past-your-bedtime feeling because you've got piles of homework to do. Your back aches and your eyes water and all you want is to enter again into peaceful sleep but you can't; not just yet.
a few months ago
Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking their decisions are always right and will end in success. I know I do, and reality isn't pretty. Frankly a lot of things just don't happen that way; we don't have the guts or the talent for it, no one else shows an interest, or our decision just floats away amongst the thousands of bills wafting through our account books. Letting go, just moving on, doesn't come naturally to us, though. We just hurt and ache and cry and hope that someone will save us. Thank goodness Someone did. We complain and relive something we can't change and we come up with 'if onlys' that make our problems much less our fault. We deny what has happened because we can't face it.
today
I am up much later than I should be. As I'm sitting here, the clock is ticking down the last sixty seconds until February 28th. Surrounded by mounds of used kleenexes, there is opera playing through the fading speakers of the laptop. For some reason, opera has become the most comforting and relaxing music for me to turn on in the evenings. Could be that it reminds me of when I was younger, or of my haircut, or just that I would really want to be able to sing. The previous two paragraphs have been sitting in my blogger dashboard for months now, written at various moments of struggle. Your freshman year of college is a very rocky road, and I believe mine has become all the steeper as only a junior in high school. However, I do have many people standing along that road, pulling me up, and keeping me on track always. I will make it through this. I've almost failed one of my New Year's resolutions already, unless you see three extra and very tardy blogposts appear in your dashboards throughout the evening tomorrow. There's a little voice in my head though that tells me it will be alright. She doesn't speak very much, that little voice. Sometimes I wish she would.
Lately I've listened to many German operas, and have begun to take Rosetta Stone again. It is astounding to me how quickly words and phrases leap into my mind, causing me to almost speak in German instead of English. So far it has worked, although I am not sure how much longer this will last. In the frenzy of quick note taking, my school notebooks are full of a personal shorthand which contains German phrases, English sentences, and Latin verbs. It is almost as though, when rushed, my brain combines together the three languages with which I am most familiar so that I can have use of all the words and phrases I need. It could be worse. Thank goodness no one has asked me for my notes.
Perhaps its just the weather or possibly something else, but being inside for this long is killing me. The highs this week are still negative numbers, and we hear forecasts for snow every other day. It's a cliche that has been used altogether too often, I know, but I feel like February is choking me to death. Outside there is no green anywhere. Inside too, seems barren without the sunlight. I've been sick since Monday, and our house is incredibly cold. I'm definitely a spring girl at heart. A few weeks ago we had a fifty degree day and one of my friends caught me skipping to my classes. It was the best day I've had in a long while.
I'm not being overly dramatic, but Februarys just aren't my favorite. They are so dark and cold, and I need my sunlight. March brings spring break, and Lent. And when March shows up, April showers can't be too far away. Spring showers of delightful rain, I am looking to you.
I am off now to bed. The same opera (my favorite) has been playing for three hours, and I could not find any photographs that I wanted to attach to this post; I haven't been trapped in a good rainstorm in years.
Have a goodnight, and smile! March is right around the corner.
today
I am up much later than I should be. As I'm sitting here, the clock is ticking down the last sixty seconds until February 28th. Surrounded by mounds of used kleenexes, there is opera playing through the fading speakers of the laptop. For some reason, opera has become the most comforting and relaxing music for me to turn on in the evenings. Could be that it reminds me of when I was younger, or of my haircut, or just that I would really want to be able to sing. The previous two paragraphs have been sitting in my blogger dashboard for months now, written at various moments of struggle. Your freshman year of college is a very rocky road, and I believe mine has become all the steeper as only a junior in high school. However, I do have many people standing along that road, pulling me up, and keeping me on track always. I will make it through this. I've almost failed one of my New Year's resolutions already, unless you see three extra and very tardy blogposts appear in your dashboards throughout the evening tomorrow. There's a little voice in my head though that tells me it will be alright. She doesn't speak very much, that little voice. Sometimes I wish she would.
Lately I've listened to many German operas, and have begun to take Rosetta Stone again. It is astounding to me how quickly words and phrases leap into my mind, causing me to almost speak in German instead of English. So far it has worked, although I am not sure how much longer this will last. In the frenzy of quick note taking, my school notebooks are full of a personal shorthand which contains German phrases, English sentences, and Latin verbs. It is almost as though, when rushed, my brain combines together the three languages with which I am most familiar so that I can have use of all the words and phrases I need. It could be worse. Thank goodness no one has asked me for my notes.
Perhaps its just the weather or possibly something else, but being inside for this long is killing me. The highs this week are still negative numbers, and we hear forecasts for snow every other day. It's a cliche that has been used altogether too often, I know, but I feel like February is choking me to death. Outside there is no green anywhere. Inside too, seems barren without the sunlight. I've been sick since Monday, and our house is incredibly cold. I'm definitely a spring girl at heart. A few weeks ago we had a fifty degree day and one of my friends caught me skipping to my classes. It was the best day I've had in a long while.
I'm not being overly dramatic, but Februarys just aren't my favorite. They are so dark and cold, and I need my sunlight. March brings spring break, and Lent. And when March shows up, April showers can't be too far away. Spring showers of delightful rain, I am looking to you.
I am off now to bed. The same opera (my favorite) has been playing for three hours, and I could not find any photographs that I wanted to attach to this post; I haven't been trapped in a good rainstorm in years.
Have a goodnight, and smile! March is right around the corner.
No comments:
Post a Comment