sweet 16 // dearie me

to my dear 80 year old bohemian crazy cat lady,

dearie me, guess who has just turned sixteen? you!!!! well, me, but you, too. I wonder what you think of this 'milestone' year of our life, and I wonder how it will go. if I have any control over the situation (which, honestly, I don't), hopefully you are smiling as you read this, remembering all the memories I haven't created for you yet. I know I've only written once--sorry about that, I'm trying to be better--, but I think of you daily. wondering if you are well, wondering if you are happy, and wondering who you spend your days with is one of my favorite things to do. we're very curious, aren't we? sticking our noses where they don't belong, getting ourselves into messes that become almost impossible to sort out, and then accepting it with a laugh and moving on. I think you are really important for me to think about, because it is up to me to take care of you. you are my responsibility and I'm so very proud of that, and I will work hard everyday so that I get the chance to meet you. I pray for it too, because it really is in God's hands. you know that, but it is nice to be reminded every once in a while, isn't it?

a lot has happened to me since I last wrote. I won't bore you with memories that you have worked hard to forget, but I will write to you about things you (and I, too) should always remember. so please don't laugh at a petty 15 year old's view of the world around her, and instead embrace it as a time long gone by, and lessons learned a hundred times again.

there is nothing quite so impossibly moving, so stirring, as a glance. not necessarily a lovestruck glance (although they can hold their own...), but just a look between two people when they truly understand one another. some sort of bond, a strand of friendship forms in that moment, and if built up, can become something incredibly beautiful.

to be self absorbed is a sin, but to deny one's self worth is also a sin. (this one is such a brain turner, once you think about it.)

it is alright to be your own unique self, and to dress in your own way and to think and act in a way that is not always best in the eyes of the world. it is alright to be a pastor's daughter, and to be proud of that, instead of trying to shed its metaphorical skin.

losing a loved one is hard. I can only imagine what heartbreak, loss, and sadness you've been through, but I can only say that it gets better. this is not the end, and we will see all of them again. death is drawing nearer and nearer to us. but we have nothing to fear because Jesus has died to save us, and so when we die we are only going to join Him. what a lovely thing to hold onto.

there are so many amazing things that have happened for me this year. I've made new friends, gone across the sea and back, I've seen the Hobbit (only the first movie, though. I am so envious that you've seen all three! I do hope you watch them quite regularly, not all of us are that lucky yet.),  and I've survived, or at least mostly, an online school. I can only imagine what I will be listing next year.

to finish this off, I'd just like to send my love, support, and encouragement to you. it must be very hard for you to be a bright, happy lady, but I know you can. hopefully I've done my part in taking care of you and in keeping you safe and happy in your world. this is not goodbye, but merely a hello, since I am no doubt buried very deep inside of you, resting and helping you in any way I can. be strong, be brave, have faith.

with all my love and affection,
Eleonore, age 15.

p.s. will you write to me and tell me all about your cats whose names only you can remember and about all the trinkets you've collected from all around the world and about all your friends who come over to laugh and make conversation, and finally about all the lessons you've learned and all the things you want me to know? because I will love receiving it, deep down inside of you.

before you ask, it's a door knocker... 

to my lovely bloggers who aren't my 80 year old future self; here are some photographs of the cake I made for my birthday. I'll post about the actual day sometime soon, but for now you'll just have to enjoy some photographs of a Sherlock cake, and laugh at a very unusual letter to an 80 year old woman who doesn't exist yet.